As If By Magic
by Plesiosaur
Summary: One shot. Ash was only ever interested in one thing.


**I was lucky enough to have this one shot proof read by my awesome IRL friend RaInBoWsKuLlDrOpS of Potterhead fame, because she's a girl who might not know so much about Adventure Time but is a dab hand at writing about magic. Not strictly Bubbline, but I wanted to experiment with a different motivation for Ash than the usual he's-just-a-dickhead angle.**

 **Content Warning: Violence, substance(ish) abuse.**

* * *

Ash was not too proud to admit he had a problem with magic.

Older wizards had warned him not to get too addicted to the sensations of power, they talked in solemn whispers about the poor unfortunates who had been seduced by the promise of magic beyond anything they could command. Ice King was a prime example: his power controlled him and now it _was_ him, whoever he had been before the magic took over completely was drowned inside the colossal strength that flooded him. Even thinking about it was enough to make Ash shiver, though not entirely with fear.

Ice King himself was more than just a cautionary tale. Ash had never had cause to fear the old man until one evening in Wizard City when a cold hand had shot out of an alley and dragged him backwards with a yell that nobody took any notice of. And before he knew what was happening he was hauled off the ground by his shirt and frozen to the wall with a thick band of ice pinning his arms against his chest. The older wizard's pale eyes bore into Ash's with an unspoken promise of violence.

" _You_." he hissed, not sounding at all like his usual bumbling self. "You made her cry."

Though he struggled with all his strength the younger wizard couldn't escape his frozen prison. What the hell was the crazy old bastard even talking about? Who had he made cry?

A memory shoved itself front and centre in his brain, elbowing him painfully in his mind's eye. Oh. Marcy. That had ended badly, and recently too. He'd dated Marceline primarily because she was a status symbol, because other people coveted her, because her entire being sang with unused magic and he craved it like a feeble plant craved the sun. And she hadn't used it on him, not even once, not even when he'd more than deserved it.

"Yeah man. I know. I want to be sorry about it. I just can't seem to care." It had sounded fatalistic and despondent in his head but out loud it sounded stupid and arrogant. He wanted to be sorry for that too but he was light headed and distant from the feel of so much magic around him.

Ash wasn't strong like Ice King, his own power could never consume him. He was a below average wizard so he needed to sate his power lust on others' magic. He sought out people with the strongest power he could find and got close to them, basking in the radiated glory of their auras. Like Marceline; the first time he'd met her he was almost choked by the thick velvety folds of bottomless power pouring off her in lazy waves. He courted her and listened to her obnoxious whiny songs and let her treat him like a fucking teddy bear just to be close to her deliciously thick dark magic.

Ash let his head fall to his chest, limp and ashamed. She'd never even tried to use that immense power and out of frustration and desperation he'd deliberately done things to upset her until eventually he'd made her madder than he'd ever seen her before, maybe madder than anyone had ever made her in all her long centuries. He'd expected her to destroy him in a glorious display of all that exquisite strength that she didn't even seem to know she possessed. Instead she'd yelled a bit, thrown him out and howled like a wounded animal when she thought he'd left. After a while he'd watched her from his ever so brave hiding place in the bushes as she flew off over the treetops towards the Candy Kingdom, tear stains shining on her pale face under the moonlight. He'd supposed he should be jealous that she was obviously going to visit her stupidly perfect ex girlfriend but mostly he'd just felt flat. Disappointed in a vague sort of way.

And now Ice King was going to grind him into a thin paste because for some obscure reason he gave a crap that Ash had upset Marceline and that mostly felt unreal and flat too. Maybe he'd use ice magic to do it and that would be kinda fun, being so close to that much power even if it was only for a moment.

Ash never saw the fist flying towards his face so he didn't even try to duck or roll with the blow. His jaw cracked with the force of the punch and he spat blood and a couple of his own teeth. The old man was surprisingly strong and weirdly lucid right now, Ash had never seen him so focussed. It made him smile; despite the burning pain in his jaw he could appreciate the magic and power and pure electric anger crackling off the Ice King as he swung another blow, this time toward's the younger man's eye socket. He didn't try to duck even as the fist hurtled towards his face and for a moment after the blinding impact connected he saw nothing but exploding white stars dancing across the inside of his eyelids.

Ice King's magic was rippling out from his body like wings now, growing claws and hooking into Ash like some angry frozen beast. It was intoxicating even as it leaked into his flesh and chilled his blood. The old man continued to work him over, raining blow after blow and grunting with the effort of maintaining that much rage and violence. Despite the beating Ash floated above it in painful ecstasy. The magic sang to him; it wasn't quite as good as if Marceline had crushed him like a bug herself but it was _something_ and he was thankful for it even as he resolved to go find some healing magic once Ice King had expended his energy.

"You mess with my little girl again, you even come within spitting distance of her, I swear I'll do to you what I did to that deer! You're _scum_ , boy!"

Eventually the old man stopped and stepped back, panting with exertion, knuckles covered in half frozen bloody grazes. His eyes slid back to their usual unfocussed gleam and he stared at the younger wizard in confusion. It seemed he'd already forgotten what he was so pissed about; Ash couldn't put a finger on it but he looked mildly confused to be there.

"And you... stay away from my... Gunther. Ok?" he mumbled distractedly.

Ash nodded again and watched the old man shuffle out of the alley, muttering under his breath and staring around in confusion. He had no idea what had just happened. In all their time together Marcy had never mentioned she was friends with Ice King, honestly she'd not talked much about her friends at all and that was the way he preferred it. She hadn't needed friends, she'd had him. Friends were just rivals. All that pent up magic was going to explode sooner or later and he wanted it all to himself when it finally did. Maybe the crazy old bastard thought that by beating the tar out of Ash she'd agree to marry him.

"She's not even a real princess you know!" he gasped around his broken jaw at the retreating figure of the Ice King as he shuffled away through the crowd. Ash wriggled a little more and felt the frozen bands holding him give way all at once.

He couldn't free his hands in time and with a loud crack he broke free of the wall and landed in a heap on his swollen face. Another tooth broke free and he laughed hollowly, gurgling around the blood that was oozing into the back of his throat.

After that Ash wandered. There was no other way to describe it, really. He had a house he could have stayed in but he chose to just walk around from place to place, sleeping wherever he was when the urge took him. He sought out wizards to piss off and for a while he got his kicks from them beating him into various kinds of pulp, but eventually word got out and they just stared at him with pity in their eyes and shoved him away. They didn't even drive him off with magic.

Sometimes if he was slouched in a doorway some kind soul would throw a coin his way. It took him a while to realise that they'd mistaken him for a tramp and the first time it happened he tried to follow the wildberry woman who'd tossed a penny at him and return it, until she'd shrieked and ran off. That's when he'd been escorted from Wildberry Kingdom by security and wandered around the grasslands a bit more.

He even saw Marceline once. She was buying flowers in the market of some small town out near the Fire Kingdom inhabited by squarish stone people. She didn't see him but he made a point of sidling closer and listening in to her conversation with the blue-grey stone man with the stall full of flowers.

"Pretty pink roses for a pretty lady." the florist smiled with a wink. Marcy giggled in reply and her grey cheeks very nearly darkened with a demure blush. She actually fucking _giggled_ and it gave him a strange twisted feeling in his gut, like he'd eaten something pointy. She'd never giggled with him. And if he'd caught her buying fucking flowers and flirting with some stupid fucking _rock_ he'd have been livid and they'd have had another massive row and maybe she'd lose it and transform and he'd get caught in the blast wave of her inherent magic and she'd bite him and-

Ash shook himself, shivering violently. He needed some more magic soon or he was going to go crazy. Unfortunately the vampire was too engrossed with her sickening conversation with the stone florist to notice him; in the mood he was in now he'd probably provoke her into draining his blood completely. Ash was a pathetic addict but he didn't want to die.

"Thanks, Rockliffe! They're for a girl... well, I guess she is a pretty lady so you're half right. Been a while since we really spoke and I kinda wanted to show my appreciation. I figured, say it with roses, yeah? In the wrong light that could look a little romantic, actually." she said wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and grinned that lopsided toothy grin and he just _fucking knew_ she had something pathetically sappy planned, probably wanted to get back together with that ridiculous pink Candy princess. Ash had to admit that despite his seething anger it had been a long time since he'd seen Marceline smile like that. He watched with a heavy heart as she swooped off with her flowers; in the direction of the Candy Kingdom of course. That stupid Bubblegum bitch was probably going to turn her into another soft squishy idiot just like her subjects. It was such a waste.

Ash sighed at her rapidly disappearing form and contemplated pissing off the stone people just to see if they'd hurt him, but without the magic it seemed pointless. He'd eaten salads that were more magical than the bunch of rocks he was surrounded by.

"If you really love her, let her go man. Her heart belongs to someone else."

The rock florist had noticed him staring after her and was patting his arm with a fatherly look on his stony face. Ash found out the hard way that night that punching a stone golem wasn't a good life choice. His shattered knuckles healed eventually but they still ached in the cold even years later.

Bruised, aching, humiliated, Ash made a decision. He knew where he could get endless magic with the convenient fringe benefit of not having to think for himself. To make the deal even sweeter he'd never have to see that vampire bitch ever again; chances of her turning up at Maja's den were slim to none.

He spent weeks tracking the sky witch until he finally found the right pond to let himself into her lair. As he rushed upwards into the sky a feeling almost as good as the all consuming magic he craved so desperately overcame him; free fall was very nearly a release. But it was over too quickly, he slammed against the underside of the creepy wooden house and carefully pulled himself around until he could reach the door.

Ash landed in an undignified heap on her welcome mat. He supposed that even if he'd landed perfectly like a swan on a lake he'd still be undignified. When had he started to stink like that? It was hard to remember the last time he'd been in an enclosed space and able to smell his own funk. When was the last time he'd shaved? His face bristled like an angry white hedgehog when he ran his hand over the beard that had grown there.

There was nobody around but he knew by the thrill pulsing in his chest that she was close by. He could almost taste the magic; strong and vibrant and throbbing like a heartbeat against his own feeble magical core. Pulled by the invisible force of delicious magic he wandered through the house ignoring the rows and rows of assembled magical junk. Soon he'd have all the time in the world to explore them and feed on their energies. Although his mouth watered at the thought he kept walking. _Gotta find Maja, gotta make my offer._

She was in the kitchen, brewing something no more magical than herbal tea and murmuring to her familiar. Ash took a moment to let his eyes slide out of focus and take in the sheer power of the aura around the sky witch. Maja's whole body pulsed with a green-gold glow that writhed around her like a living mass, spiking and troughing as the energy shifted like a long billowing cloak. It cast prowling shadows on the walls, now a humid jungle scene with huge cats stalking their prey, now hawks wheeling above a windswept mountaintop at sunset. It was mesmerising and for a long minute Ash couldn't look away. Her back was to him and he could have spent the rest of his life just watching the scenes her magic created out of boredom. Such power.

Of course she turned around. Of course she screamed and threw boiling hot tea at him, scalded him, threw curse words he didn't even know the meaning of. He didn't even get a chance to make his offer before a purple lightning bolt was slamming him back out of the door, back towards the ground and the pond surface. And it was magical and powerful and _oh Grod the magic_ -

"I want to be your slave!" he screamed as he fell, staring up at the house as it whipped away from him. He could still see her face. It was contorted with rage.

"Not if you were the last creature in Ooo! I know about you Ash the Wizard, you're a dirty magic sucker! STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

And he broke through the surface of the lake, gasping and shuddering with cold tremors as the last of her magic left him.

Ash went home. At least nobody had moved into his house while he'd been away. It was a cold, empty existence really; he ate just enough to keep himself alive, he went out only when he absolutely had to. Most of the time he lay on his bed and cast feeble magic on himself with his cherry wand. It helped a little, but not much.

There was definitely an autumnal chill in the air that afternoon. Ash had grown bored with the four walls of his empty house and shuffled out into the thin sunlight to see if there were any ripe nuts in the woods; he'd not eaten in a while and his ribs were sticking almost painfully through the skin of his chest.

It was just another grey day in a grey existence. He ate as many hazelnuts as he could before his stomach began to ache and filled his pockets with a few handfuls more before trudging back through a deep carpet of dead leaves in the direction of his cabin. Ash didn't even notice the cloaked and hooded figure that approached him until the man spoke.

"Spare a morsel for a hungry stranger, mister?"

He started and looked around. But it was just another hobo trying to make a living out of the woods and Ash knew what hunger felt like. Besides he knew where the hazel trees were so he could get more nuts tomorrow if he wanted. He just had to get home, he needed to cast some more pathetically weak magic on himself or he'd begin clawing at his skin again.

"Sure man, whatever. Take the nuts." and he dumped a handful into the outstretched hands.

Ash had already spun back to the path and was hurrying away when the explosion of light and noise and _oh holy-_ magic behind him lit up to wood. He stumbled, surprised, and fell forward.

"Congratulations, stranger! You're about to learn a life lesson from Magic Man!"

It was a weird green... thing. Not like anyone Ash had ever seen before. But he hummed with a unique kind of power, a wavering greenish aura that filled the air around him like quivering jelly. Ash could see the outline of his intention just before the blast of magic hit him. It was breathtaking, as the power thrummed through him it gripped his heart and flowed through his limbs, twisting and changing and turning him into-

A... nose?

A giant dark grey nose with a sprout of wiry white hair sticking out from his new nostrils. And the magic, the magic was still inside him and around him. It was maintaining his new shape, keeping him from turning back into a wizard. Magic sustaining him, magic all around him. Consuming him with its power. He still had stubby little arms and legs, his face was stuck right in the middle of the nasal bridge where a pair of glasses would fit. Ash felt tears begin to well in his eyes.

"This is... you... Magic?"

The stranger nodded, grinning from eat to ear like he'd won a prize.

"And you won't return to your true form until you appreciate what a jerk I am!"

Ash felt the tears begin to fall, spilling unstoppably down his new body.

"Thank you." he managed to whisper around the lump in his throat.

That hadn't been the response Magic Man had been expecting and he paused in his mid air back flip, perplexed.

"You wanted to be a nose?"

"I wanted magic. And you gave it to me."

Magic Man took a moment to look closer at the nose-cum-former-wizard. Greying skin, white blond hair, and he'd been as thin as a rake.

"You're Ash the Wizard! I know you, you got kicked out of Wizard City for magic addiction." He nodded, pleased to have placed a name to a face. A thought stole across Magic Man's mind; a strange but possibly wonderful thought.

"If I change you back you'll lose the magic that's sustaining your nose form. But you can be close to it again. Do you want to be my assistant, Ash?"

The nose nodded enthusiastically, as much as a giant nose could. With a wave of his hand Magic Man sucked the power back to himself and was looking at a ragged skeleton of a man with an unkempt beard and no shoes.

"Right, apprentice. First thing you're going to do is shave and put something on your feet. We're going thieving in the Fire Kingdom and I don't want to have to carry you."

And that was how Ash ended up as an assistant of Magic Man, for a while. Sometimes he looked at the stars and sighed happily in between his chores and magic lessons. Sometimes he wondered if his mind was slowly being crushed under the weight of power Magic Man used him as a conduit for. But Ash didn't care; life was finally how he wanted it to be.


End file.
